So this morning after I woke up, I realized I had a weird dream about a city that was built intentionally in the middle of a body of water (not sure if it was an ocean or a lake). It was a conglomeration of gray buildings, all fairly tall, closely grouped together and looked very technologically advanced. and then spanning the entire length of it (which wasn't very big) was a building that was sort of like the equivalent of a half-pipe, but it was clearly a curved building. it actually reminded me of the superman ride at magic mountain, like it went really high up into the air, higher than any of the other buildings and it was very dramatic looking. I remember thinking how scary it would be to be on the top floor, it was so high. and I also remember just knowing somehow that this city was reno. maybe because I was recently in lake tahoe. anywho, some underwater adventure took place involving swimming from something without getting caught or being seen. I was reading some sci-fi last night before falling asleep, which might explain the weird, futuristic setting. I don't remember the resolution of the dream though.
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then I had a dream about a friend of mine with whom I have fallen out of touch over the years, and even though we were really close growing up, we haven't spoken in at least a year, maybe longer. well I had a dream we were hanging out, and she told me that on top of her amazing life so far, she was going to go back to school. I asked if she meant to get her masters, and she said no, she was going to get her PhD in healing (which made sense in the dream). I got really jealous and started to compare myself to her and my life so far to hers and felt like a big old failure and loser. needless to say, I think I've got some buried issues there in terms of recognizing my uniqueness and not comparing myself to others!
I think being back in school after taking several years off is bringing up these issues of achievement for me. I felt kind of like a loser when I didn't go away to college right away like most of the kids from my high school, and I think I've held that against certain people and it has majorly affected our friendship(s). I don't know if this dream is trying to show me what I want (a PhD?!) or not to compare myself with others & hold their achievements against them. maybe both. or maybe it's telling me to accept myself as I am, and to appreciate all the things I've experienced by choosing a different path.
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finally, I had this dream the other night but kept forgetting about it somehow. this is a typical dream for me: it involves larger than life cute animals!! I don't remember the context at all, but I do remember there was a HUGE giant panda, he was bigger than a horse, actually about the size of an elephant, and I was snuggling on him!! I don't remember his name but I wish I did. anyway, I was ecstatic and didn't want to stop hugging him. and that's all I remember.
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awww...haha i love the fact that the large animals dream is "typical" for you! and the idea of you wanting to hug the huge panda is a perfect expression of "ashley"...i'll ruin the thought if i try to rationalize it, so, instead i'll just agree with your dreams that these loveable, cute large animals are symbolic in your life.
who was the phd in healing dream about? i kept imagining it being about D. and thinking, "i could totally see that!" not the you being a loser part, but the dream character getting a phd in healing and talking about how amazing her life has been part. it would be dead-on, because in waking life, she has actually talked to me about how she's lived her life to the fullest and feels great about it, and so on. and it's very D. to happily share and articulate what's been going on with her life in an incredibly positivite, strong light...so, if it is D., that's pretty dead-on.
BUT i think the fact that you're self-aware of your own emotions and how they've effected your relations, and can recognize a personal lesson from both the dream and waking life, and that you recognize the responsibility for the outlook being yours and not to be put on others is pretty admirable! i give you props! and if it's any consolation, at least you didn't spend the past years out of college being "crazy," reckless, disgruntled, cutting off ties, saying and doing crazy shit, losing friends, and having to try life over again (a-hem)!
i feel like you've always had a really strong, positive, happy, and loving spirit, even when you're conflicted with different emotions and thoughts! i love you ashley! school and college degrees don't measure the quality of your life or how you spend it, and everyone does it (life, that is) differently! i'm soo corny, but i mean it all!!
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