falling, falling, etc.

usually I don't like to post dreams if I can't remember them in their entirety. I can only remember a small part of these dreams but I think they're pretty significant so I'm blogging them anyways :P

I don't remember how we got there, possibly on some sort of quest/adventure through the forest/jungle, but my mom, my friend w and I are on top of something really high, possibly a palm tree. we were able to stand on it sort of like in a video game where there is a platform on the top. I'm overcome by this really intense feeling: I am falling, helpless, and I just can't stay on the tree. it's up really high and I'm afraid of heights so I'm just completely terrified. w has me by the wrist, like we're holding hands but a little further up the arm, our hands overlapped. he's trying to pull me back up but I'm being pulled uncontrollably down. I'm squirming and panicking and the whole time my mom is worried and freaked out but does nothing physically, gives no reaction. I don't remember if I actually fell, but I woke up with these intense feelings of helplessness and lack of control. it was totally effed up! (when I told w about it in real life, he gave me all of these practical solutions to what he would do, like hook his carabiner on my belt, take a pickax out of his boot, stick it in the rock and swing me back up, which I think is why my subconscious chose him as my anchor maybe... maybe it's trying to tell me to be practical?) I wish I could remember more context of the dream, but that's all I've got.

another short dream I had involved going to work at a new job in an office and not really knowing what to do with myself, and just kinda being clueless and wandering around trying to look busy (which is very apropos because I'm currently in search of work). there was a love interest but I don't remember who he was and don't think I know him in real life. so I asked the executive what she wanted me to do, and she said, "well you can go pick this up," and gave me what was like a receipt for dry cleaning except at the top, it said Disneyland. which was really confusing. so I thought, "ok, I'll drive two hours to Disneyland and pick up your dry cleaning... what?!" but I was willing to do it, is the point. I think there was more at Disneyland but I don't remember.

I also had a dream that I was at my mom's house and there were dragons. like, literally, HUGE scary-ass, fire-breathing dragons, running around inside and outside. there were baby ones too, that were small like gremlins sort of, and we were killing them somehow, sort of like in a video game where you would shoot them and they would just disappear, i.e. the dream wasn't gory at all. my mom was going out somewhere and I was trying to convince her of the gravity of the situation, like, "you can't leave me home alone, there are dragons crawling all over!!! wtf mom!!" and then we found a baby one and she realized how serious it all really was (haha). her cats were crawling around too, and possibly attacking the baby dragons? I wish I could remember how we killed them. but it just gave me this feeling of creepy paranoia and general discomfort.

actually, lately I've been having trouble sleeping and I think it's partly because I've been having really (emotionally) intense dreams, but when I wake up I usually can't even remember them. it's so frustrating. but it's almost to the point where I'm afraid to go to sleep because my subconscious is trying to torture me.

whirlwind at the college

at first i was at what looked like a college, and i was with someone who might've been Anj. we were students in a hall and walking around. suddenly, there was an immensely strong wind blowing. it was so distracting to enjoying the moment, that i commented on how ridiculous the wind was. i pointed to a room that had papers flying about in the air due to the wind being so strong. then, Anj started walking somewhere that she had been planning on going. since we were hanging out, it was expected that i follow. so, she walks into what looks like a big, college hang-out type of living room, like from a frat house or dormitory or co-op. it's filled with mismatched chairs, sofas, furniture--a lot of it is worn out and crappy. but the room is filled with student-aged people, particularly guys. she walks there and starts talking to some guy there. for some reason, i'm not feeling the scene and don't feel like hanging out there, so i tell that Anj i'll see her later and she says "ok." as i'm walking away, i'm upset about something in the room--like the condition or setup of something. and there's an elderly white couple who are in charge of the place, and the woman tells the man he should change what i'm upset about. and he's very grouchy and proud and tells her i should tell him myself if i have a problem with it. i gladly walk out of the room, not concerned with the old man's response, and close the door to the room, the door that is completely torn up and doesn't really even close, just swings.

i walk out into a kitchen that is absolutely gorgeous and sophisticated looking, well kept and clean. there's nobody around, the lights are dim. it looks like it should be my mom's house. and i'm suddenly very happy and have an absolutely great appetite and cannot wait to eat all the food or leftovers that must be around from my mom's cooking. but at some point, as i'm walking around this college-house hybrid, i'm standing on this black and white tiled floor, in this glass display type of room in a dim light and another friend Ar's voice speaks, without her physical being appearing--like I'm getting a message from God, "jen, you have to flirt"

then i wake up, feeling like i was just sent a very important divine message. haa-ay!