There is a lady of some sort of butterfly-related expertise describing to a group of people, of which I am included in, how we can have flying butterflies for ourselves. She lists various possibilities of how to do this, the majority of options include using real live butterflies. For some reason, before I appear at this group, I've found a bag of frozen twig-like carcasses, from a nearby freezer. I feel confused about what they are and why they are the way they are. As I stand in the back of the group, listening to the butterfly-related expert list the various ways to have flying butterflies and demonstrating these to us, I feel anxious and disappointed, thinking, "All I have are these sad, dead, frozen twig-like bodies." I feel badly for having in possession something so morbid and creepy, until she lists as one of the last options, "and you may have frozen butterflies..." She takes out a bag of which contents look a lot like that of the bag I'm holding. She turns these frozen, incomplete butterfly body remnants into whole, live, flying butterflies. I am amazed and relieved that the butterflies can be transformed into something so beautiful, living and full.
my interpretation...I think this is about feeling confused about what to do with something unknown, seemingly useless and dead, and finding out in a learning situation that it can be transformed into something inspiring that everyone appreciates. I feel like this applies to my current school situation, where I have projects due and am feeling uninspired or uncertain of whether I'll make anything worthwhile from them...
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
love, living spaces, and lies
I'm sharing an apartment with two people, Nan (my current roommate) and AL (an old friend). The apartment and location is not from anywhere familiar in my waking life. Nan, AL, and I are in the dim, square-shape living room, probably doing something with music. Then, AL suddenly decides to leave, giving some excuse.
I'm now in a hotel with my family. At first, we're inside a hotel room that AL is sharing with us. But then, he says that he changes his mind about staying there, "Actually, my grandfather lives several floors up. I'm staying there." He leaves. My family and I are all heading out of the room, down some floors. I overhear AL tell someone else another lie about where he's staying. That's when I realize he's lying all over the place to different people and that even his personality changes when he's with different people. However, I can see his duplicitousness is not ill-mannered--his situation is actually sad, because he responds to the people he's around like a chameleon and is so deep into the adaption that he's lost any sense of identity unassociated with other people. As I'm realizing this, I see these different parts of him on a stage, and I can understand and even relate to that separation of oneself into different parts from my past experience. But I no longer suffer that sense of lostness of ungrounded self and want to offer him my insights from my past experience to help relieve his suffering since it is clear how he feels. He's sitting next to me in audience seats, where we're watching the stage with my family sitting in the seats behind us. He kisses me, and then I kiss him, and then we kiss again. (This may have been earlier in the dream. I'm confused because AL comes and goes several times and the scene changes so many times.) Eventually, somewhere AL disappears, and there is something about me staging one of his plays without him knowing it and feeling proud about it. I want to find him and tell him, but I have no idea where to find him. My family, on the other hand, is searching for two other people. Eventually, I sort of split up from them.
In my search for AL, I reach a room in the hotel with high ceilings and a large, indoor swimming pool. A friend of AL's is there, and I let him know I am looking for AL. I want to tell AL about his play. He appears (but he looks like a different person than the initial person in my dream), and he heads slowly, as if in a trance, towards the pool. His clothes are on, but he just feels compelled to walk into the deep end of the pool, similar to the part in the book, The Awakening where Edna feels drawn to the ocean. He doesn't want to swim, per se. He steps into the pool and is exerting little effort to swim, and I'm wondering if he is going to try to drown himself, especially since he started out with such a far-away, blank sort of stare...
I forget the rest of the dream...but I wake up shortly afterwards
I'm now in a hotel with my family. At first, we're inside a hotel room that AL is sharing with us. But then, he says that he changes his mind about staying there, "Actually, my grandfather lives several floors up. I'm staying there." He leaves. My family and I are all heading out of the room, down some floors. I overhear AL tell someone else another lie about where he's staying. That's when I realize he's lying all over the place to different people and that even his personality changes when he's with different people. However, I can see his duplicitousness is not ill-mannered--his situation is actually sad, because he responds to the people he's around like a chameleon and is so deep into the adaption that he's lost any sense of identity unassociated with other people. As I'm realizing this, I see these different parts of him on a stage, and I can understand and even relate to that separation of oneself into different parts from my past experience. But I no longer suffer that sense of lostness of ungrounded self and want to offer him my insights from my past experience to help relieve his suffering since it is clear how he feels. He's sitting next to me in audience seats, where we're watching the stage with my family sitting in the seats behind us. He kisses me, and then I kiss him, and then we kiss again. (This may have been earlier in the dream. I'm confused because AL comes and goes several times and the scene changes so many times.) Eventually, somewhere AL disappears, and there is something about me staging one of his plays without him knowing it and feeling proud about it. I want to find him and tell him, but I have no idea where to find him. My family, on the other hand, is searching for two other people. Eventually, I sort of split up from them.
In my search for AL, I reach a room in the hotel with high ceilings and a large, indoor swimming pool. A friend of AL's is there, and I let him know I am looking for AL. I want to tell AL about his play. He appears (but he looks like a different person than the initial person in my dream), and he heads slowly, as if in a trance, towards the pool. His clothes are on, but he just feels compelled to walk into the deep end of the pool, similar to the part in the book, The Awakening where Edna feels drawn to the ocean. He doesn't want to swim, per se. He steps into the pool and is exerting little effort to swim, and I'm wondering if he is going to try to drown himself, especially since he started out with such a far-away, blank sort of stare...
I forget the rest of the dream...but I wake up shortly afterwards
Sunday, July 6, 2008
funerals, game shows & ghosts.
So J's dream post inspired me... these are all snippets from this morning and will probably sound crazy out of context because I've forgotten a lot of details and I think they all kind of blended together, so bear with me...
I am with my friend D and we are in the office of a psychiatrist or dream doctor of some sort (it made sense in the dream). we are sitting across from the doctor and waiting for his analysis of D's problem, something to do with ghosts or spirits or dreams or something like that. Instead of sitting next to D, I'm standing sort of behind her and to the side, hugging her neck, supporting her because we are both so nervous about hearing the results. (I wish I could remember what the doctor said but I can't! grrr.)
then, I'm at my childhood home in westlake, ca, and a ton of my friends are gathered here, old and new, california and oregon friends. I'm hanging out with my childhood friends in my old kitchen, chatting about something, and we're all in black and drinking punch, eating hors d'oeuvres. looking back now, I think we were at a funeral, but I don't know who's it was. my friend R from portland shows up, and I'm really happy to see him and surprised he's here and came all of this way. I reach up to give him a big hug and he bends down to hug me, and I notice how very tall he is. I'm really excited to show him around and introduce him to my california friends, like I'm reconciling these two separate parts of my life. I introduce him to my best friend, M, and then to my other friend M but am confused about what to call M because I don't want to belittle him by using the nickname our friends use to differentiate between the two Ms. I hung M as well and it is warm and comforting and I can feel how much he loves me. then, I get excited about showing R pictures of me as a little kid. we walk over to the fridge because that's where the pictures are. the frames are actually the ends of shelves (which was completely logical in the dream), so I open the door and start showing R pictures of me as an awkward 9 year old, doing something dorky. we laugh.
eventually I end up in a room, which could be a donut store but the main lights have been turned off so the room is creepy and poorly lit. I am not myself in this dream, but someone else. there are a couple of coolers of drinks to the left, and I and a bunch of other contestants are sitting against one wall in green plastic chairs. the drinks in the coolers are japanese, and to me they appear very mysterious because I cannot read the labels but there are various fruits on them and they are all brightly colored. all of us contestants are a bit on edge because of the setting and also the expectations of the game show we are on. (but I hesitate to use the word game show because it is not flashy, there is no audience, etc. we just know it is a game.) a voiceover comes on and tells us what to look for: for each fruit juice there is a spirit or ghost we are supposed to find in the room. they will match up by color presumably, and we will only be looking for one color at a time. we are all a little nervous about making light of ghosts and spirits and I don't think anyone correctly answers any of the questions. that's about all I remember.
in regards to the funeral bit:
"To dream of your own funeral symbolizes an ending to a situation or aspect of yourself. You may be repressing some of your feelings or parts of yourself and the dream may be a signal for you to recognize and acknowledge those feelings. Instead of confronting a situation, you are dealing with it by burying it and trying to forget about it.
To dream that you are at somebody else's funeral, signifies that you are burying an old relationship and closing the lid on the past. You may be letting go some of the feelings (resentment, anger, hostility toward someone) that you've been clinging onto. If you are dreaming that you are at a funeral of an unknown person, then it suggests that something in your life is supposed to put to rest or put aside so that you can make room for something new. You need to investigate further what aspect or component of your life you need to let go."
(I think the part most applicable to me right now is the last one, that of the unknown person's funeral.)
I am with my friend D and we are in the office of a psychiatrist or dream doctor of some sort (it made sense in the dream). we are sitting across from the doctor and waiting for his analysis of D's problem, something to do with ghosts or spirits or dreams or something like that. Instead of sitting next to D, I'm standing sort of behind her and to the side, hugging her neck, supporting her because we are both so nervous about hearing the results. (I wish I could remember what the doctor said but I can't! grrr.)
then, I'm at my childhood home in westlake, ca, and a ton of my friends are gathered here, old and new, california and oregon friends. I'm hanging out with my childhood friends in my old kitchen, chatting about something, and we're all in black and drinking punch, eating hors d'oeuvres. looking back now, I think we were at a funeral, but I don't know who's it was. my friend R from portland shows up, and I'm really happy to see him and surprised he's here and came all of this way. I reach up to give him a big hug and he bends down to hug me, and I notice how very tall he is. I'm really excited to show him around and introduce him to my california friends, like I'm reconciling these two separate parts of my life. I introduce him to my best friend, M, and then to my other friend M but am confused about what to call M because I don't want to belittle him by using the nickname our friends use to differentiate between the two Ms. I hung M as well and it is warm and comforting and I can feel how much he loves me. then, I get excited about showing R pictures of me as a little kid. we walk over to the fridge because that's where the pictures are. the frames are actually the ends of shelves (which was completely logical in the dream), so I open the door and start showing R pictures of me as an awkward 9 year old, doing something dorky. we laugh.
eventually I end up in a room, which could be a donut store but the main lights have been turned off so the room is creepy and poorly lit. I am not myself in this dream, but someone else. there are a couple of coolers of drinks to the left, and I and a bunch of other contestants are sitting against one wall in green plastic chairs. the drinks in the coolers are japanese, and to me they appear very mysterious because I cannot read the labels but there are various fruits on them and they are all brightly colored. all of us contestants are a bit on edge because of the setting and also the expectations of the game show we are on. (but I hesitate to use the word game show because it is not flashy, there is no audience, etc. we just know it is a game.) a voiceover comes on and tells us what to look for: for each fruit juice there is a spirit or ghost we are supposed to find in the room. they will match up by color presumably, and we will only be looking for one color at a time. we are all a little nervous about making light of ghosts and spirits and I don't think anyone correctly answers any of the questions. that's about all I remember.
in regards to the funeral bit:
"To dream of your own funeral symbolizes an ending to a situation or aspect of yourself. You may be repressing some of your feelings or parts of yourself and the dream may be a signal for you to recognize and acknowledge those feelings. Instead of confronting a situation, you are dealing with it by burying it and trying to forget about it.
To dream that you are at somebody else's funeral, signifies that you are burying an old relationship and closing the lid on the past. You may be letting go some of the feelings (resentment, anger, hostility toward someone) that you've been clinging onto. If you are dreaming that you are at a funeral of an unknown person, then it suggests that something in your life is supposed to put to rest or put aside so that you can make room for something new. You need to investigate further what aspect or component of your life you need to let go."
(I think the part most applicable to me right now is the last one, that of the unknown person's funeral.)
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