I think I've had a weird dream every morning this week, usually right before I wake up, which is unusual for me because its been really hot here and I've been sleeping badly (in which case I usually don't remember my dreams). this one was a couple of days ago and it was really traumatic at the time, although it seems ridiculous now. it might mean something, especially because it was so emotionally powerful, but I also think its just a general anxiety dream.
I'm in Portland, and my BFF is visiting but he's brought along my ex-boyfriend, GB, someone I'm not on the most friendliest of terms with, someone who he's not even friends with in real life, so I'm pretty much shocked they're here together. we're all in my apartment and I'm super, super upset that BFF brought GB and isn't even interested in doing anything with me; they've already made all their own plans and none of it includes visiting with me. I start throwing a major tantrum because I'm so upset. I'm throwing things at BFF and at one point I even slap him... GB is trying to play a tape on my broken tape deck and I snap at him that it doesn't work, thinking he's real idiot for trying (haha). I feel this uncontrollable anger and frustration, and even though I'm yelling and crying and letting it out physically, it doesn't feel like I'm venting it at all and it just keeps building up and overflowing. eventually, they leave, and then somehow I find out that my Portland friends have asked BFF to go on a camping trip for underprivileged kids with them, but have neglected to ask me. I am incredibly hurt and feel so left out! I'm talking to one friend, W, outside, and he says, you know, I'm so sorry, we didn't think this would happen, we thought someone asked you, we'll see if there's any room for you on the trip (doubtfully). I'm just a mess, I'm crying and feeling totally alone and sad. I realize that my mom is out of town, and my friend A has moved home... this is my last week in Portland before I move home and no one even remembered enough to want to hang out with me before I go... I start to shower because I think it will calm me down. afterwards, I'm standing at the sink combing my hair and in the mirror I see BFF's reflection which totally startles me, so I turn around and he disappears. then I wake up.
3 comments:
hmmm...well, about the anger and frustration...i'm wondering: exactly, how hot is it in portland? and do you have a/c??? 'cause the behavior in your dream totally reminds me of how i felt in waking life a few weeks ago when it was very humid, hot and uncomfortable and i had no a/c at the time. i felt angry at things or people that i normally wouldn't think badly of and just felt pissed in general. some of the feelings i had were still valid, but they seemed to magnify or escape perspective in my dealing with them, due to my inescapable physical unease...i could be projecting, for sure, but sometimes physical discomfort definitely can effect our tempers...
a lot of this dream also seems to be a development of the last BFF dream...especially with the mirror. obviously he is really important to you and there are some feelings about your overall friendship that you might need to come to terms with...plus, moving is a really emotional time!! it makes sense that you're feeling strong emotions, or at least in your dreams...
omigosh, that's really interesting j!! I bet that's a big part of it... my apt has NO a/c and its so small it gets suffocatingly stuffy so easily, ugh. haha, I've never considered that being part of the frustration but it totally makes sense. mike also thinks this dream has something to do with insecurity, but about what, I'm not sure... maybe in the dream I feel like people are taking BFF away from me and I'm not ready for that, or something... which totally makes sense too, cos he's thinking about moving. so maybe my dream exaggerated this feeling...
thanks for your insights, they are always so helpful!!
Holy intensity booties! This dream must have been a tough one to have! It is interesting that you were yelling and crying but you didn't feel like you were venting at all. Maybe it means that in your waking life you are not feeling totally satisfied with getting those feelings out. Sometimes i vent all over the place, but the feelings don't really dissipate until i vent it to the actual person i am struggling with. Just a guess? The end of your dream is very telling as well. You have some very valid and intense feelings going on--transitions are sooooooo tough! and so is moving and all the little complicated moments involved! all my love boo<3
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