(preface: a couple of days ago, I woke up and was going about my morning business when I remembered I had this dream which is funny to me because I have no desire, wish, or hope to ever get married. as I remembered more and more of it, I had to laugh to myself because it was so ridiculous! it felt kind of like trying on a halloween costume or something you would never wear in your daily life... but is kind of exciting because you're trying on a different role. maybe that's what dreams are all about.)
I'm going to a family reunion/picnic and I'm wearing a big, poofy, cropped winter jacket, jeans, and a tight shirt, with big earrings and my hair up in a high ponytail (kinda like Hilda from Ugly Betty). I'm there with an amiga, but the face is kinda blurry, so I'm not really sure who it is but I know its one of my homegirls. I have a HUGE diamond ring on my left ring finger, knowing I'm engaged to be married, but in the dream I didn't think about to whom, or it wasn't really all that important to me. every time I looked at the ring and tilted my hand to show people, I would give a little scream of delight! I kept showing it to my homie, and screaming, but I don't remember her reaction. we walked up to the table of food, and then I looked over to my left, and there was someone's grandpa sitting in a wheelchair. out of nowhere a bird flies up and poops on his head, and it was really funny cos he was bald, so the poop just spread all over his crown...
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(this was one of those nightmares where you wake up gasping for breath and panicked that your dream was real... I had to call m. at work right away for reassurance because this dream freaked me out so badly... his boss probably thinks I'm crazy! and I think I have abandonment issues.)
I'm walking through a party, which I somehow know is a halloween party but no one is dressed up. a lot of my ventura friends and old housemates are there, but we don't really interact. m. and I are wandering around this huge, creepy, old house who belongs to an old man who is out of town. we end up in his office which is a HUGE room, mostly wooden and old and dusty, with bookcases and books on every wall, and a huge wooden desk and a leather couch that just give off this air of importance. there is also a huge bed in the room too, and m. and I were talking on it until he gets up from the bed and says hes going on a roadtrip with so and so and his mom (it was a conglomeration of different people), and I couldn't come. which I thought was really mean because he knew I was lonely at this party and didn't connect with anyone, and how could he leave me like this?!?! I was really upset, and felt panicked and alone, like I was on the edge of a cliff. m. had really long hair, and was putting conditioner in it, which I thought was disgusting. I started crying and told him to be careful because I knew so and so was a bad driver. I was feeling angry, and deserted, sad, and lonely all at once. I grabbed m.'s shirt by the collar, and said, "if anything happens to you, I'll kill you." and I was pissed. he was surprised I was so emotional and kind of mad because he thought I was overreacting. I think that's when I woke up.
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2 comments:
hmm. well, from what little i know about you and those people in the nightmare, i feel like it reflects some of your relations accurately, and symbolizes your relation to m. he and his peeps have known each for a long time and his bond to you is very strong but also vulnerable because you come from "different places." i guess, to me, it symbolizes your vulnerability and perhaps fears/insecurities. but also the importance of m. in your life. i could be completely off!!! but just offhand, that's the correlation that clicks in my head when i read it.
Poor boo with nightmares! I liked Jen's interpretation, but what I am wondering is why you were putting conditioner in his hair? Maybe that was one of those random things that slips in to an otherwise meaningful dream? Or maybe it's just as important? I am not quite sure.
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